When a woman knows who she is, that is when she becomes powerful. She is no longer walking into rooms hoping to be accepted, validated or liked.  That woman is walking into rooms to build something for her future.

Hey, Sha. Let's sit back and talk, 'cause there's somethin' I just gotta share with ya’, somethin' that’s changed my whole peace of mind. I wanted to touch on how I do not argue anymore. Now, do not be thinkin' I am under someone’s control or a cat got my tongue or anything. Lord knows I still have plenty to say. I am not a weak or  scared chick, bless your heart. Nah, the truth is, that it took me some time, but I have learned a valuable lesson about what arguing really is. It is for folks who still think if they just explain it one more time, they will somehow be understood.

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Hey, honey, pull up a chair. Grab you a glass of lemonade or maybe somethin’ a little stronger (I won’t tell). Let me tell you a story ‘bout a guh you used to know. Of course, she is me, but a few lifetimes back. If this feels a little too much like sittin’ on a back porch swing after supper time, well, honey, that’s exactly the vibe I’m goin’ for.

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Valentine’s Day used to hit me like a bluesy saxophone on a gentle New Orleans night. It reminded me of what was not there. I had thoughts about what hadn’t happened yet.  I was even plagued with thoughts of love should look by now. But honey, this year, there is a whole different rhythm in the air.

Down here in Louisiana, I have learned not to waste my breath trying to drag folks where they don’t wanna go. Here are a few things that I have learned in the month of January to carry me along the way for this year in no order.

Season 30 Ep 3

Looking Back: My 32nd Year

Listen, let me talk to you straight. I’m talkin’ real southern, sugar cane stalk and all, because there is no shame in my timeline. I am not sugarcoating a thing.

Let me lay it out, just as handwashed clothes with Ivory soap were placed on a clothesline to dry on a warm summer’s day. For years, I carried this quiet pressured weight wondering if tying the knot at 20 meant I was falling behind. Never spoke about it out loud. I let the thought settle deep. Often it showed up every time I caught myself measuring my life against somebody else’s highlight reel.

Waiting to be chosen again...was never the plan.

This year, before my birthday came around, I did not sit my ass down waiting for some dude to promise me forever. Nah, my girl, I made that promise to myself. Real talk, I went and slid a ring on my own finger. It is crazy ‘cause I have not sported a ring on my ring finger that meant something since the fall of 2022. This time around I wanted to purchase an engagement ring. Not ‘cause I was pressed to be chosen or lonely. 

I see you stopped by. It is good that you are here. See, I wanted to share something personal that’s been brewing for a while. Brewing like dark roast espresso beans on a slow-paced Sunday morning. A Sunday morning when it feels like all you have is peace in the light of the day. You know how sometimes a small online shift can spark real change? Well, after months of consideration, I finally decided to update my Instagram handle to reflect my maiden name.

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I want to share something real with you. There was a time in my life when every boundary I tried to set felt like it needed a whole story. It was as if I had to justify my feelings or decisions with paragraphs of explanation. I used to think that if I verbally made myself clear enough, people would understand, and respect me and my mind. However, here is the thing I did not see back then was the folks who benefited from me not having boundaries? They are not confused when you finally set them. What happens is that they are annoyed. They get flustered because it is no longer as convenient for them.

There is no need to sink into January begging God to shift everything for you. For me I am not entering this year in a hopeful or fragile way. I am entering it rooted. Steady. Clear. For you, my reader She’s Found Strength is not only a blog title anymore. My blog is a lived experience. This year does not begin with resolutions scribbled down in pencil. It begins with boundaries written in ink. 

Imagine a dating culture conquered by snakes, no constant stimulation and sexual bravado. Can it get worse? Well, let’s add performative confidence and no emotional depth. This is the awful reality that many people have faced within the status of dating, and it has become almost unrecognizable. Of times, attention is mistaken for intention. 

How Hypersexual Music and Culture Shape Who Gets Chosen, and Who Gets Ignored

Shake, shimmy, twerk, or pop that thang! When it comes to dating in Southeast Louisiana it exists at the intersection of culture, rhythm, and spectacle. Hypersexual music does not play lowly in the background here. Hypersexual music socializes here. 

 I can hear them snore from their beds as I peek my head into the bedroom. Christmas Eve in my apartment is quiet and yet it feels inviting. It is something about the pause before the morning, the deep breath held in before joy is released. My kids have been under the weather for the past three days with intense fevers. I have been holding it down as I overcame a fever and cold too. 

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Christmas Eve during the day feels chill. I have been counting down the days until Christmas break from work and school for weeks. I am blessed to say that this countdown has been worth it. The hours seem to have been moving slower this morning. The air feels lighter and less chill, but the fog seems to be cradling the area. The sounds of the busy highway carries a quiet sense of anticipation. There seems to be this in-between, but not yet the celebration, but full of meaning all the same vibe. 

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I did not enter this next season trying to get belts for being one of God’s strongest soldiers. I entered into this season trying to become more protected. After everything I had no choice but to release this year. I had to decide what was worth guarding and what no longer deserved access to me.

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People have been asking me, “Lynn, will you have your kids this Christmas?” According to the rotation, this was supposed to be their dad’s holiday. However, this year, my kids will be with me. I am not giving into the feeling of  the need to explain every detail or defend how it happened. I am choosing to sit with what is and what it will be, which is quiet and we will enjoy the priceless gift of togetherness.

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Lessons have been well learned for me and my emotional ass especially before my cycle came. I have learned this month to stop expecting and having expectations for certain people to show up the way I would have for them. Being a writer, I love character development. I develop traits for people I interact with during the week and month in my mind as I study them. December had a way of slowing me down and not just when it came to fighting for my immune system. This month was forcing me to pay attention to patterns. Patterns that had been ignored for far too long.

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